Reality bites

Woke at 3am. Instant wide awake, mind racing, fears pummeling. Stomach is tight, heart is sore. Not a time for self-pity but it flows over me. Not a time for both of us to be overwhelmed yet it is uncontrollable. I drift through the house, I surf the web, I collapse on the couch wrapped in blankets, not sleeping, being harassed by the mockingbird’s unpredictable song that finds our house year after year. It mocks, I fade…

I shower, I eat what has become our comfort food, I read Bonnie’s words in her post Keep Your Eye on the Prize. I am humbled. I see friends and strangers reach out and comfort. All the words, the love, the wishes, the energy. So pure, so unreserved, so generous. I am humbled.

I hug her fiercely. It’s ok to be overwhelmed, it’s ok to be scared. But not for too long. The mockingbird’s tune is reality. Its wildly unpredictable vocal flight across the vast feathered sound repertoire is reality. Life is not predictable. It is life. It dances here and there, it interrupts the dreams, it forces itself on us.

It is precious, it is welcome and I am grateful for it. ~

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